Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
