Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
