im about as happy as oj after his trial
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
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