im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
