well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
