Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
