As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
