There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
