so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
