the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize