I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
