11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
