You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
