paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
