I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
