I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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