hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
