i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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