i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I would ride that face into the sunset
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
