we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize