P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
