I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
