you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
