just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
