She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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