you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
