I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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