I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
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