Im at strip club and am horny
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
