that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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