well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize