Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
you had me at cake vodka
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
