Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
