Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
