I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
