I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
you told grandpa to call you daddy
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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