i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
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