I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize