I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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