She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
