can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
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