Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
