i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
That reminds me...we need to get swords
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
