Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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