I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
