physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
