Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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