there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
