i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
