she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
