I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
