I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
