Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
How does one acquire holy water?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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