can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I have post one night stand depression
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
