party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize