Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
