It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
