Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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