You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
