I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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