if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
