I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Boobs are out for the taking
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Send help, water and tortillas.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
