I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Randomize
