I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Someone stole a lamp last night.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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