Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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