Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
