Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
