Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize