So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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