I smell stomach acid.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
