I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
