I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
My bed smells like the plague
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