I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
