I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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