How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
