Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
