Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
